Friends

I planned on writing something political today and maybe an update on the Lyme, PCOS and Celiac, but I seem to be on this friendship kick ... didn't plan on it, but I do just write from the heart. In fact, the story I'm about to relay happened AFTER my last Thursday Thirteen.

So anyway, Mike and I went out to dinner with a couple after church yesterday -- they are newly engaged and we were talking about the premarital counseling, what they were going through, what we'd been through, etc., etc. Mike shared that our pastor had us make goals for each other and one of his goals was for me to make friends at the church. The gal just sighed and said "Oh, that's hard". To which I replied, "Well, you can't force people to be friends with you."

Not a witty response, I admit, but it certainly got me thinking. Now this is coming from someone, who while I may not ever win a Miss Congeniality or popularity contest, I've never really had a problem making friends. I consider myself to be personable, easy to get to know and a good friend to those who will have me. So for someone to say it's hard to make friends speaks more about the church than it does about me. Doesn't bode well for the church, I must add.

She added that it takes time and that I haven't been there that long. Okay, I've been an active (by active I mean attending at least once a week) for THREE YEARS. Maybe not as long as some folks (my husband, for instance has been attending this church for 15 years), but not a short period of time to say the least. And certainly long enough from my experience to become friends with someone ... even to become good friends with someone. Especially a Godly friendship, which supersedes humanism and is established by a covenant before God -- essentially it just takes a choice and an effort to be friends.

I think that the folks in this particular church are too selfish and too lazy to be friends with anybody. This is a bit harsh, I realize, but I'm speaking the truth. I have reached out and been friends and no one has the time. Or, they're too busy. Or, their lives are established with no room for another friend -- yada yada yada. You get the picture. Essentially they aren't interested in having or being friends b/c their life is centered around them and anyone who can't circle around them isn't welcome. And they don't realize that friendships take some work - you have to get off your butt and make a phone call -- you have to actually care about someone; it can't be one-sided. In the end it comes down to the ultimate worldly "what's in it for me?" question.

This whole conversation & subsequent thought process has brought ultimate clarity for me -- I now know why no one was willing to help during the year I was so sick. Yet, I still can't comprehend why the church can't rise above??? I know the Bay Area/Silicon Valley is rampant with selfishness, but I would expect the church to be beyond that -- to show Godly love.

Which leaves me really wanting to find another church, but my husband won't hear of it. He's committed to this one. He says that the biblical thing to do is to stay and fix the problem, not leave it or complain about it. I'm just thinking the root of this problem is beyond what I can fix. Only God can address this one Himself and I need some feeding and loving in the process. So, the only thing to do is pray .... but that doesn't mean I have to like this church!