Random Ramblings

I heard a quote the other day, "If you're unhappy with your life, you're not trusting God."  Or something like that,  I have to say as hard as things are with a 3 year old and a newborn, I'm very content with my life right now.  Postpartum is an interesting time for a female -- it's a plethora of conflicting emotions.  I've not yet figured out how I can feel content & bored, tired & wired, happy & sad all at the same time.

Part of me mourns the relationship I had with littleA.  I miss the one-on-one time we had together.  I know this is something every mom has experienced with the second kid, but I feel like I'm missing out on part of his life.  On the other hand, this new little creature that's entered our family brings such joy.  I can't wait to see the relationship between the brothers develop.  I can't wait to watch babyN grow up.

All these confounded emotions are, no doubt, magnified by the sleep deprivation that's part of having a newborn.  I must say, however, that it feels like a normal sleep deprivation.  I had so prepared myself to have a herx or crash and haven't had anything resembling it yet (knock on wood fast!).  Just normal tiredness.  My hubby has been great!  He doesn't sleep much, anyway, so he takes a shift every night so I can sleep - I still need to wake to nurse but he'll take over the burping, diapering, putting him back to bed so I can just nurse & rollover & go back to sleep.  That helps make up for the loooong sleepless days.  With two of them my days of napping are all in the past b/c getting them to sleep at the same night (outside of nighttime) seems impossible at this point.

Keeping up with the housework seems to be a thing of the past, too.  I'm managing the laundry okay - but that's about it.  The dishwasher is full & clean, so the dishes are in the sink until the dishwasher can be emptied and reloaded - it's a perpetual downward spiral!  Forget about keeping the toys picked up or the mail organized.

So, life continues in a 'new kind of normal' way.  I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop, in regards to my illness but so far and counting my blessings & enjoying the reprieve.  I wonder if it's possible I could be in a remission of sorts?  Any research out there on that?  Meanwhile, my pacing skills are helpful as I've made that a general part of my life and so we just keep on trucking ..... :)