Things you can do to help your chronically ill friend

This is a paraphrase of an article that I sent to some friends via email in response to the question of how they can help ... I've reordered the list; fellow CFS'ers & Lymies, please comment with other suggestions that aren't thought of yet!

You do not need to spend a lot of money. You can be thoughtful in so many ways. The point is to do something, and do something today. I have listed below 36 easy ideas that anyone would appreciate. Sometimes it is hard for a patient to ask for help. Just do it!

The hardest thing about chronic disease is that is is chronic. I had a friend who had a really bad flu and she received flowers that very week. With me – since I am sick all the time… and get nothing. Am I any less sick, sad, frustrated, lonely, or bored. NO, I need your love and support now more than ever. When everyone else forgets that I am still in this struggle with my illness….. please remember, it didn't go away, I didn't forget. I need you to be my friends!

1. Sounds silly—but just ask! Ask what you can do to help, or if they need anything.
2. FOOD! Check on diet restrictions, but bringing a favorite snack, or take-out from her favorite restaurant, frozen or refrigerated meals for those days when she can't cook for the family is always a welcome gift!
3. Cook dinners that are easy to freeze and defrost. When you are sick, you are often too tired to cook, so helping to make easy to heat meals is a wonderful treat. Put post it notes on the dinners with easy instructions to re-heat.
4. If you are not a good cook, send some gift cards to local restaurants or take out. The worst feeling is to be tired, but also in a financial pinch due to medical bills. This helps so much.
5. Cute socks with rubberized/non skid bottoms, since you often have to get up and walk around, but don't want to put slippers on all the time. There are so many cute pairs which are very inexpensive.
6. Buy nice pajamas appropriate for the illness and medical circumstance. For example, pajamas that are easy on/off for an elderly friend or someone who will be going in and out of tests. I like nice warm pajamas because I find I am usually cold.
   
7. Bath salts are always welcome since warm baths soothe aching muscles and the heat help kill Lyme spirochetes.
   
8. Tubes of unscented lotion are something that you can never have enough of. Lots of medications dry out the skin, so this is great.
9. Send a card! It is so nice to get a "cheer up" or "thinking of you" card in the mail. Sometimes when people are home-bound the only thing they look forward to is the mail coming and when there is something nice in the mail box mixed in with bills and junk mail it will make the experience even better.
10. Send an email. Don't wait for the right time. Don't feel bad because you haven't been in touch. It is always good to get a nice email. It is always refreshing to hear from old friends. Just start writing. If you want to make the email even better, just sign it "Reply when you can, no rush." This way the receiver gets your well wishes without having to worry about a reply.
11. Send a care package. Get a box and fill it up with goodies. Remember how you felt at summer camp when you got a surprise package? It was so much fun to rip it open and see what was inside. Nothing has to be expensive, you can go to the dollar store and get fun little things. The idea is just to make the patient smile. Tip: I have always liked when people have written in a note "No thank you necessary." I get a gift without the guilt of wanting to send a thank you note.
12. If the patient has kids, offer to baby-sit. Even if it is taking the baby out for as little as one hour, that will be a wonderful gift of an hour of peaceful rest. It will also put the parents mind at ease to know that their child is getting attention and activity when they might not be able to.
13. Offer to take care of pets, walk the dog! Pets feel it when their owners do not feel well, they need attention and love too.
14. Happy nothing! Sometimes we only send our loved ones flowers or get well gifts when they are actually in the hospital or when things get particularly bad. But I think that makes the patient only feel love or attention when things are horrible. Do things really have to get that bad to be a good friend? If you love them today, show them today. If you can, send a bouquet of flowers just to brighten their day. There are so many gift delivery companies online that can send a wide variety of gifts. Every day is a struggle when battling a chronic condition, or going through lengthy medical treatments. Maybe you can make this day a bit better. Don't wait for a reason, making your friend feel better and surprising them is reason enough. Who knows? You may just brighten their whole outlook and turn their day around.
15. If the patient feels up to it, offer to take him or her to do something special, but short in timing. How about a manicure, or ice cream? Something quick enough to get out of the house, but not too long to be exhausting.
16. Soothing music Cd's, and something to play them on (portable like a small CD player, or an MP3 player works well.)
17. Magazines that are personalized to the patients hobbies, tastes etc. Crafting books, politics, fashion etc.
18. Books, if the patient likes to read!
19. Books on CD and a portable CD player and headphones. This works great, especially for patients with migraines or neurological issues, who might have trouble seeing the TV or reading a book.
20. Bring board games & actually sit and play with them ... helps them have fun and start interacting again. It is also a great conversation starter for those of you who may get awkward visiting someone who is sick.
21. Crossword puzzle/Soduku/ game magazines are great for kids and adults too.
22. Deck of cards. This is great for anyone. Trust me if you get lonely enough or can't sleep, you can always play solitaire
23. Pretty diary – really good for pregnant women (anyone really) to write down what is going on, keep track of Dr's instructions, and use as a memory book, of sorts.
24. A box of pretty note cards, pre- stamped & ready to go - this way she just has to write notes to whoever she wants and has everything right there!
    
25. Ready-to-use craft kit, such as cross stitch kit, or a scrap booking kit. It is good to feel productive or creative even if you can't leave bed.
26. 2 large packs of gum, 1 mint and 1 bubble (check if any snacks including candy should be sugar free, or for any other dietary restrictions.)
27. Help with regular every day tasks. When I am sick sometimes I am overwhelmed with the every day jobs or errands that I no longer have energy for. One of the best gifts I have gotten is when friends or family have offered to help me for 1 hour to do anything. Just having company helped make the time pass and helped encourage me to do the jobs I probably couldn't do before. For example, in the change of seasons going through clothes or straightening your closets can be a daunting task, but if you help while your sick friend lays on the bed, then you can get the job done, feel organized and talk too.
28. Offer to do things for their apartment or house. Do they need the mail taken in? Do they need some groceries bought so that their refrigerator is not bare?
29. If you can afford it, hire a cleaning service to come over for the day and do a really good cleaning on the house. This is a great gift that will help put their mind at ease, but also it will make for a cleaner healthier environment.
30. Rent or buy a portable DVD player with a selection of movies and headphones to use in bed (when you wake you up at all hours of the night and can't sleep). I personally had this loaned to me and I loved it. It helped pass the time so much to get into a movie!
31. Down pillows or any new pillows with fun pillow cases for comfort and to cheer up your bedroom at home.
    
32. Buy your loved one an Ipod or MP3 player and fill it with songs to make them happy. You can even make a "themed" tape. For example: songs for friends, songs to wake up to, etc.
33. Hand held electronic games (gambling slots games, solitaire and blackjack are definite favorites. Although now a Nintendo DS and one of those brain games would be good or the old time favorite Tetris – if the budget allows).
34. One friend did a mix tape for me with music he knew I'd love and would cheer me up. It is so easy to burn a CD with your favorite music now on most computers.
35. Offer to take your friend to other doctor appointments. Sometimes when we are so focused on one area of our health, we can unintentionally neglect other areas. Offer to help your friend keep up with other routine appointments like dentists, eye exams, ob/gyn, or even a regular check up. Now is not the time to let other areas of health go.
36. Bring over a warm fuzzy blanket to nap with. Something cuddly always cheers anyone up. And even if you think the person you are visiting has a lot of blankets, there is something special about the one you are going to bring- it is new, and it is from you!
37. Don't forget the standard bouquet of flowers to brighten up the room, especially if you know someone loves flowers.

Article written by Donald Miserandino, © butyoudontlooksick.com

Most of all, the best support you can give is to be my friend and to understand that while I can't do everything I used to be able to do, I still need my friends! :) Thanks to all!