Before I was sick, a good workout was my way to clear my head. A long run, a hard bike ride, an intense kickboxing, spinning or aerobics class. That was my idea of fun! I also loved being outside hiking, climbing, skiing, whatever ...
When I first saw my current doctor (as many of you, after years trying to figure out what was wrong), she asked me what I did for stress relief. It was simple, "Exercise," I said. To which she told me I needed to find a way to deal with life. At the time I didn't get it; I mean what's wrong with exercise? She wisely didn't try to explain - probably knowing that I wouldn't believe her anyway. Well, here I am and now I get it.
I've been known to think that the post exertional crash might be worth it if I could just get a glimpse of my former self. If I could just get really sweaty. If I could just clear my head. However, the days I do have the energy to go out for a hard workout are not the days that I really need it! It's the crazy, hectic, I'm going out of my mind days when I need the endorphis and those are, of course, the days when the thought sounds appalling b/c I'm so exhausted already.
Another thing I really loved was wine. My husband and I got married on a vineyard, I enjoyed wine tasting, the fruity bold taste, exploring food pairings, it all just intrigued me. Since Lyme feeds on alcohol, that's a big no-no as well.
I've been known to throw caution to the wind and drink a rare glass of wine anyway, just to get get a glimpse of my former self. Just to taste the fruity goodness. Just to sit back and relax. But I'm on a new antibiotic (Rifampin) that can cause liver damage if ingested with alcohol of any sort, and THAT's definitely not worth it!
The third thing that clears me mind is a neat tidy house. Organization does a lot to clear my head. However, I'm sure as you have all experienced, there frequently isn't enough energy to keep up with the house work. Not to mention that my Lyme has affected my hip joints, making it hard to bend over and pick up toys :)
Sometimes I still wonder if maybe it's worth it. Today I'd like to get a hard workout in -- just talking about it makes me want to do that! However, most of the time I'm trying to discover my new self. I'm rediscovering music (I played piano growing up, & flute through college until my flute was stolen my senior year). So I've picked up the piano again and am taking guitar lessons. I'm rediscovering my creative side -- trying to take up scrapbooking to capture the memories of LittleA, if I can get the house remodeled and organized enough to have space to do it! I've hired a house cleaner to come once a week and at least help (it gives me about 1/2 a day of a clear mind, until things are messy again.) What do you all do to keep your sanity? What have you lost and what have you rediscovered?
1 comment:
I've lost walking,swimming cycling,choral singing, wine and work. I've found blogging, digital photography, family history research, flowerpot gardening and radio drama.
CFS has given me the gift (sometimes) of being able to sit with myself and my feelings. I'm struck by how often people talk about how it has made them more creative - it's certainly done that for me.
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